Conquering the "Semper Waiting"

By now you all have probably caught on that I love lists. They help me organize my life (you should see the to do list I have right now), but also help me organize my thoughts. That's why I loved this list that I found when I stumbled across a GREAT blog called "Letters from the Homefront." In this post, the military wife (whose husband is also currently deployed) describes coping mechanisms for "Semper Waiting" - one of the things many of us do. I don't want to post it just because I feel like it helps me, but I feel like many of us wait anxiously for things - hearing from a prospective employer, for Christmas, for vacations - and these just may help you.

Here's her site if you want to check it out: homefrontletters.wordpress.com

Guidelines to conquer Semper Waiting:

1 – Eliminate all the Debbie-Downers in your life!

Or at least minimize the amount of involvement they have when it comes to you coping with your situation. Negativity is contagious – if that’s all you hear at some point it will be ALL you think and that is far from being emotionally healthy. (I feel like I've always done this - I can't stand negative people).

2 – Join a support group.

Even if it’s a virtual one! I have found my greatest support from a group of wives that created a group on FB, not knowing one another, to get through this deployment – I truly don’t know what I would have done without them on my most ‘down’ days (for me, this is fellow 3/4 wives who are just as anxious as I am!).

3 – Keep busy by starting something new.

There are so many things I have on my bucket list and what a great time to start while the husband is away. During our first deployment I finally got going on ‘writing’ – it has truly been refreshing. I know of some other wives who started working out too – I say that’s two times more beneficial! (Kicking the baby weight, and mastering becoming a Mommy!)

4 – Believing in something spiritually greater than you to help you.

For me, it is turning to God. This is probably the tool I use the most. In my most challenging moments I find it so soothing to know that  my Lord will always provide and will give me the strength I need to get through everything and in the end – no matter what happens – all things happen to bring me closer to Him. (Agreed)

5 –Communicate as frequently as possible with your spouse.

Although this may vary when our spouses are on deployment or out training – I find it important to still have a conversation about what I am feeling or felt even if the moment has passed. Just hearing my husband tell me everything will be okay or (specifically) reassure me that the military provides him with the knowledge and training he needs to survive in most situations is very comforting and reassuring. (YES - Even if it's a one-sided email and I may not hear back for awhile, at least I know Greg will hear how I'm feeling).

6 – Talk, talk, and talk.

 Moving from place to place and leaving friends behind can make it very easy for military spouses to become introverts. For me, talking to family, friends, and other military spouses feels like the boulder that’s been on my chest has been lifted. The power of speak is often underestimated but when given a try to results are usually very uplifting. (I do this by making sure that every day I go to a place where I have a conversation with adults - even if it's at the gym or at Costco).

7 – Have a routine.

Although most of my days are repetitive – that very structure allows my day to flow at a faster rate. I know what to expect, what’s coming next, and when it’s over. Also, having a schedule just for the purpose of nixing it is also very revitalizing! (You're reading the blog of the routine Queen!).

8 – Laughter is the best medicine.

There is loads of research out there that describe how laughing does your body good. Some nights I keep myself up by watching comedians, like Mollie Gross and George Lopez (My two favorites!), on Youtube and now (thanks to my good friend and military spouse) looking at Jenny the Military Spouse comics. In the end I always find myself asking – why don’t I do this more often? (Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert - need I say more?)

9 – Me time!

There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a break every now and then. Our mind, body, and emotions need breaks too. At first I felt guilty putting my toddler in hourly care just because I needed a moment (or two) for me. Most of the time I do nothing more than sit at the library, have a coffee (one I can truly enjoy), or run an errand alone. Not so grand for most people but it gives me the opportunity to take a deep breath before getting back into reality. Burning out can not only be devastating for a single person but it can also affect a family entirely and so, I don’t only do it for me but for my family too. (Sometimes it's worth paying for a sitter even if it's to go to Starbucks and read a book. I really believe in this).

10 – Look in the mirror.

When I feel like my anxiety in waiting is getting beneath my skin I turn to the mirror to ask myself what I am worrying about —- > the unknown?!?! Doing this allows me to recognize that in my worrying and possibly giving anxiety an opportunity to take over will do nothing to change the outcome, be it good or bad. All I can do is trust God’s plan, trust my husband is equipped to be ‘safe’ and trust that no matter what happens….this too shall pass. (This is what I struggle with the most - but recognizing that I do allows me to focus and work on it more).