Conquering the "Semper Waiting"

By now you all have probably caught on that I love lists. They help me organize my life (you should see the to do list I have right now), but also help me organize my thoughts. That's why I loved this list that I found when I stumbled across a GREAT blog called "Letters from the Homefront." In this post, the military wife (whose husband is also currently deployed) describes coping mechanisms for "Semper Waiting" - one of the things many of us do. I don't want to post it just because I feel like it helps me, but I feel like many of us wait anxiously for things - hearing from a prospective employer, for Christmas, for vacations - and these just may help you.

Here's her site if you want to check it out: homefrontletters.wordpress.com

Guidelines to conquer Semper Waiting:

1 – Eliminate all the Debbie-Downers in your life!

Or at least minimize the amount of involvement they have when it comes to you coping with your situation. Negativity is contagious – if that’s all you hear at some point it will be ALL you think and that is far from being emotionally healthy. (I feel like I've always done this - I can't stand negative people).

2 – Join a support group.

Even if it’s a virtual one! I have found my greatest support from a group of wives that created a group on FB, not knowing one another, to get through this deployment – I truly don’t know what I would have done without them on my most ‘down’ days (for me, this is fellow 3/4 wives who are just as anxious as I am!).

3 – Keep busy by starting something new.

There are so many things I have on my bucket list and what a great time to start while the husband is away. During our first deployment I finally got going on ‘writing’ – it has truly been refreshing. I know of some other wives who started working out too – I say that’s two times more beneficial! (Kicking the baby weight, and mastering becoming a Mommy!)

4 – Believing in something spiritually greater than you to help you.

For me, it is turning to God. This is probably the tool I use the most. In my most challenging moments I find it so soothing to know that  my Lord will always provide and will give me the strength I need to get through everything and in the end – no matter what happens – all things happen to bring me closer to Him. (Agreed)

5 –Communicate as frequently as possible with your spouse.

Although this may vary when our spouses are on deployment or out training – I find it important to still have a conversation about what I am feeling or felt even if the moment has passed. Just hearing my husband tell me everything will be okay or (specifically) reassure me that the military provides him with the knowledge and training he needs to survive in most situations is very comforting and reassuring. (YES - Even if it's a one-sided email and I may not hear back for awhile, at least I know Greg will hear how I'm feeling).

6 – Talk, talk, and talk.

 Moving from place to place and leaving friends behind can make it very easy for military spouses to become introverts. For me, talking to family, friends, and other military spouses feels like the boulder that’s been on my chest has been lifted. The power of speak is often underestimated but when given a try to results are usually very uplifting. (I do this by making sure that every day I go to a place where I have a conversation with adults - even if it's at the gym or at Costco).

7 – Have a routine.

Although most of my days are repetitive – that very structure allows my day to flow at a faster rate. I know what to expect, what’s coming next, and when it’s over. Also, having a schedule just for the purpose of nixing it is also very revitalizing! (You're reading the blog of the routine Queen!).

8 – Laughter is the best medicine.

There is loads of research out there that describe how laughing does your body good. Some nights I keep myself up by watching comedians, like Mollie Gross and George Lopez (My two favorites!), on Youtube and now (thanks to my good friend and military spouse) looking at Jenny the Military Spouse comics. In the end I always find myself asking – why don’t I do this more often? (Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert - need I say more?)

9 – Me time!

There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a break every now and then. Our mind, body, and emotions need breaks too. At first I felt guilty putting my toddler in hourly care just because I needed a moment (or two) for me. Most of the time I do nothing more than sit at the library, have a coffee (one I can truly enjoy), or run an errand alone. Not so grand for most people but it gives me the opportunity to take a deep breath before getting back into reality. Burning out can not only be devastating for a single person but it can also affect a family entirely and so, I don’t only do it for me but for my family too. (Sometimes it's worth paying for a sitter even if it's to go to Starbucks and read a book. I really believe in this).

10 – Look in the mirror.

When I feel like my anxiety in waiting is getting beneath my skin I turn to the mirror to ask myself what I am worrying about —- > the unknown?!?! Doing this allows me to recognize that in my worrying and possibly giving anxiety an opportunity to take over will do nothing to change the outcome, be it good or bad. All I can do is trust God’s plan, trust my husband is equipped to be ‘safe’ and trust that no matter what happens….this too shall pass. (This is what I struggle with the most - but recognizing that I do allows me to focus and work on it more).

Deployment Ribbons and Medals

I got an email today from Greg, after asking a few weeks what new ribbons he would get to wear after the deployment, that said nothing but this:

Code	Description	Qty	Image
CR	COMBAT ACTION RIBBON	1
WT	GLOBAL WAR ON TERRORISM SERVICE MEDAL	1
CA	AFGHANISTAN CAMPAIGN MEDAL	1
SD	SEA SERVICE DEPLOYMENT RIBBON	1
NN	NATIONAL DEFENSE SERVICE MEDAL	1
NZ	NATO MEDAL-ISAF AFGHANISTAN	1
NA	NAVY AND MARINE CORPS ACHIEVEMENT MEDAL	1

 And so, I did what any other self-respecting Marine Corps spouse would do: wrote back with the medals and ribbons I've earned. If only...but I can gloat in my head, can't I?

Code	Description	Qty	Image
LD	LABOR AND DELIVERY WITHOUT HUSBAND RIBBON	1
TR	TRAINING ROCKY TO WAKE UP AFTER 5AM MEDAL	1
6L	FIRST 6 MONTHS OF LIFE CAMPAIGN MEDAL	1
SD	I SURVIVED A DEPLOYMENT RIBBON	1
WS	WITHOUT SKYPE MEDAL	1
NZ	NATO MEDAL-ISAF YUCCA VALLEY, CALIFORNIA	1
BW	BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD ACHIEVEMENT MEDAL	1

Deployment Events

By now most of you know that this deployment is (finally!) almost over! Many people have asked me, "So, did it fly by, in retrospect?" The answer to that question is a resounding no - I think that when all is normal, 7 months are actually a short amount of time, but when you really stop and think about it, a lot can happen in seven months. I've been thinking about that a lot recently, just reflecting on the deployment, so I wanted to recap it here for those of you just "joining" the blog or for my fellow fans of history recaps!

Things that have happened (both in the world and in our lives) since Greg deployed, and that we have shared together through email/phone conversations....remember these?

September 2009:
~ Greg leaves
~ Serena Williams is fined for profanities during the U.S. Open
~ Kanye West upstages Taylor Swift at the VMA Awards
~ Patrick Swayze dies

  October 2009: 
~ Caroline is born!
~My birthday
~Olympics are given to Rio in 2016
~ David Letterman announces he's creepy on air
~ Helium "Balloon Boy" incident occurs in Colorado
~ Virginia and New Jersey unseat Democratic governors
~ Halloween

November 2009:
~ The Yanks beat the Phils in the World Series
~ Fort Hood Shooting
~ Oprah announces she'll go off air
~ Caroline makes her first of four cross-country flights of the deployment
~ Thanksgiving
~ Tiger Woods crashes his SUV into a fire hydrant, jumpstarting his fall from grace

December 2009:
~ Obama orders 30,000 troops into Afghanistan
~ "Operation Cobra's Anger" begins in Now Zad, a Taliban stronghold, and is conducted by 3rd Battalion, 4th Marines (Greg's unit)
~ undercover suicide bomber kills CIA operatives in Afghanistan, prompting a call for "revenge"
~ Christmas
~ "Underwear Bomber" attempts plane attack on Christmas Day
~ "Avatar" is released to theaters, and would soon break the record for highest grossing film of all time

January 2010:
~ New Year's Day
~ My MBA program begins
~ Earthquake strikes Port-au-Prince, Haiti
~ Ben Bernanke voted by Senate to a second term as Fed chairman


February 2010:
~ Vancouver Olympics
~ Grammy Awards
~ Valentine's Day
~ New Orleans Saints beat the Colts to win their first Superbowl
~ Earthquake strikes Chile, igniting more fears in Southern California about the impending "Big One"
~ Toyota recalls over 8 million vehicles worldwide for gas pedal malfunctions

March 2010:
~ Our 2nd Anniversary

~ Rocky turns 2
~ Greg's Birthday
~ Academy Awards
~ Caroline makes her first international trip, to Mustique
~ March Madness
~ Health Care Reform Bill
~ (Greg's personal favorite): VP Joe Biden says a profanity to President Obama at a press conference while the microphone is still on

April 2010:
~Easter
~Greg meets Caroline for the first time and sees his wife and dog after 7 months!

So now if we could just make these next couple of weeks fly - unfortunately time is dragging! Hopefully it will pick up the pace soon!

Great Article!

The WSJ published a great article today with tips for teaching kids financial planning. I know there are a TON of articles about this, but I thought these were actually easily applicable and make a lot of sense.For those of you who don't have kids, I think some of these can actually be applied no matter what age you are.

"The 15 Money Rules Kids Should Learn"

1.) Spending money happens only after you earn it.

2.) When kids start asking parents to drive to the toy store to buy some plastic whatnot, it's time to consider an allowance.

3.) The size of an allowance shouldn't be so meager than your child is a pauper among peers, nor so generous that your child can easily afford all wants with little financial planning.

4.) Good grades are expected and help around the house is simply the price of family life.

5.) While 16 is generally the legal age of employment, encourage kids starting around age 13 to think of ways they can earn an income.

6.) Guide and advise your kids about money, don't dictate (side note: my Dad is REALLY good at this - I've always been impressed by him in this respect)

7.) Failure to balance debit-card bank account monthly means losing access to the debit card for a week or more; failure to repay an entire month's credit-card balance means teh loss of the car until the balance is fully paid off, plus one additional month.

8.) Only 50% of the money put into a piggybank can be taken out to buy something. At least half must remain inside the pig.

9.) Children should have the right to screw up financially so that they can learn from their mistakes. 

10.) When it comes to investing in stocks, kids should understand a company at such a basic level that they can draw a picture of the business model with a crayon.

11.) You don't need to be wealthy to begin teaching your children about the stock market.

12.) If a child's charitable interests lie outside your special interests, so be it.

13.) Parents don't have to save every last dime a child will need for college expenses. You only have to save up to your ability or desire to pay.

14.) One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is your own financial self-sufficiency when you're old.

15.) At some point, you have to tell your kids that the Bank of Mom & Dad is officially closed.

Caroline's First Applesauce

This afternoon I finished up Caroline's delicious supper of rice cereal with some applesauce. The doctor said I could start introducing these if she finishes her cereal, and today she still seemed like she could go for more, so I tried applesauce. Well....tasting applesauce after a lifelong diet of milk and mushy cereal/oatmeal was a whole new experience. She looks like she's tasting a lemon, but at the same time, kind of likes it. It was so funny that I had to film it:

Greeting Passengers on the Plane

Yet another thing she's done that I haven't been able to check off my list yet....oh well!

Back at it

Hi everyone! I know it's been a while since I last update. Caroline and I returned to California from Mustique last Sunday, after two full days of travel (first a plane from Mustique to St. Lucia, then from St. Lucia to Philly, spent the night in the airport hotel, then went from Philly to LAX the next day, followed by a 3 hour drive to head home/pick up Rocky). PHEW! Yes, it was as tiring as it sounds. But miraculously, Sweet Caroline was just that on the plane, and saved her "I'm jetlagged and tired and I hate flying!" fit for the car (wish I could've had the same fit, but I'll save it for when Greg is back and I'm not driving :) ).

Mustique was great. It was so good to be with family and friends and reconnect with everyone who was there (with the exception of one couple who my parents invited the first week, I knew everyone who was there, so it was great to catch up after so long). Caroline was a big hit. Not only did she win the VERY coveted "Relaxation Award" (given every year to the person who has been deemed the most relaxed throughout the week....doing any type of activity such as walking/running/working doesn't count, so I'm always disqualified), but she also made friends every where she went. She even picked up a 6 month old boyfriend at a bar for sunset cocktails one night. Things I never was capable of doing she has already mastered at 5.5 months. Unbelievable.

I hadn't been with my family to Mustique in 5 years, and was starting to view it as a hassle and not really worth the trip (especially that I'm on the West Coast - the usual trip has now been extended by another 6 hour flight). Boy, was I wrong! That place is just as amazing as it always was and will be, filled with laughter and funny stories and great weather and great food. Just what I needed to pass the time.

Here are some pics of C from Mustique. I hope you enjoy!

Not Caroline I know, but these two are even cuter than one baby!

Greg calls this C's "Gangster" Look. He thinks she has a cigar in her right hand

Beach Time!

Sucking on a mango...yummy!

In my next post I am going to put up a video of Caroline on the plane as we were leaving...she greeted the passengers with the flight attendant and captain and loved it!

Island Update

If I didn't have a husband returning to the US in a month, I think I would never return from Mustique. Everything is amazing, and week one of this paradise trip is over. It's been wonderful to have free babysitters all around, amazing food, lots of sun time, and to introduce Caroline to the island style. I think we might become ex-pats if we are here any longer.

The groups are shifting slightly today - John and Kathleen Maurel (family friends from Seattle) are coming today, and Jim and Margaret Brunstad (family friends from Birmingham) and Katherine and Jacob come tomorrow. Today the house got really empty all of a sudden because many of the Week 1 guests left, so it's a little strange to have such a strange shift in dynamics.

I love this place, and can't wait to post pictures when I get back! In the meantime, I will continue to nap, eat, and sleep.

Next Stop: Mustique!

I am writing from the Philadelphia Airport Marriott, where there is no wireless (I think this is against hotel status quo) so I am standing up hunched over a desk (the crib's in the way of the chair) that's plugged into the wall, updating my blog. Call my crazy. Anyway, tomorrow my parents, Caroline, and I head to Mustique! I have not been in 5 years, and am so excited. It's crazy that it's been so long. We will be meeting my Aunt Kathy, cousin Sarah and her friend, two of my parents friends, Ann and Tyler, and my friend Caroline (who my parents wanted to come with her fiance, since Mustique is such a couples centric place, but alas he has a real job and not a spring break, so we're being pals). It will be a busy week, and lots of fun! I'm worried about poor little Caroline, since she's been through a lot of schedule changes/long days the past few days, and tomorrow is yet another one. It's really messed with her sleeping and general temperament, but hopefully when we get to Mustique it will all smooth itself out. Wish us luck!

Busy day

Today Caroline, Rocky, and I had a crazy day! First, I closed shop in the house (rule of thumb: always make sure your house is spic and span before you leave for trips - it makes the homecoming so much more fun!). That took awhile, then I had to round up Rocky and Caroline and take them down to the Grand Paw, where we dropped Rocky off. Then I went to the gym, which also gave Caroline the chance to eat again (thanks to childcare) so that I could just pick her up, grab lunch, and head to LA.

When we got to LA, Caroline and I went swimsuit shopping, since I left all my swimsuits in Arizona and I only had one very old one in my drawers! Unfortunately we only found one that worked out, but it's a winner nonetheless. Anyway, it was a great LA day - we were at The Grove, which is this awesome mall, and our day was classically LA, complete with people entering CBS' television city for the American Idol taping and seeing a B-rated actress (ok maybe C-rated - I only know her because I watch the CW).

After we went shopping we went to Whole Foods to pick up dinner, and then we checked in to our hotel, where we are spending the night before our 8:30 AM flight tomorrow morning. Caroline took awhile to fall asleep in her "new" crib in the hotel, but she is finally quiet.

A funny thing happened today when we were shopping. I got a voicemail from the Grand Paw, and I had these visions of having to go back to Palm Springs to rescue Rocky from some disaster that had happened. But then I listened to the message, which said, "Mrs. Gehring, this is Bill from The Grand Paw. This isn't an emergency, Rocky is doing fine, but I just wanted to alert you that he just vomited a pair of children's underwear and baby socks. I wanted to ask you if there is anything else we should be aware of. He is acting normally otherwise. Thank you."

Ooohhh Rocky. So that's why he was so angelic last night. I miss that boy so much already.

And for those of you who may feel sorry for Rocky that I am going on vacation without him, this is a picture of The Grand Paw, the greatest pet resort in the Coachella Valley. I'm not kidding - and you should see the inside!


Wish us safe travels tomorrow -- we are excited to go to Blue Bell for a few days!

Weekend Shenanigans

As usual, Rocky and Caroline are keeping me laughing....check out this (completely unposed!) photo of Caroline when we were getting in her new beach clothes yesterday! I guess all of the fashion mags I read while I was in the hospital after she was born rubbed off on her! And Rocky, who quite literally "slept on the hammock" yesterday (which I had pulled off the hooks because of the crazy Santa Ana winds around here). These two are ridiculous.

Baby C the Model:

Rock the hammock lounger:

Happy Anniversary To Me!

Today, as many of you know is Greg's and my two year anniversary. As I was talking to my friend Anna on the phone yesterday, I found myself asking her where the heck the past two years have gone! Think of the difference between Move-In Day first year of college and moving into your apartment at the beginning of third year (or freshman to junior year, for all you non-Wahoos). It feels like SUCH a long time has passed, and you are infinitely wiser and cooler in the ways of the world.

I'll admit - I do feel wiser and cooler in the ways of the world than I did on March 1, 2008, but I really can't believe where the time has gone. Two years have gone by so fast, and yet, here I sit, having lived in California for nearly 2 years, with a pup that's almost 2 years old (in 10 days!!), a sweet baby girl who is turning 5 months on Saturday, and a husband who is turning 25 in two weeks. So time has passed, and we have the numbers to prove it.

Someone asked me yesterday how long Greg and I had known each other. When I figured out the answer - I met him just after my 18th birthday - I realized how long it's been! I felt so old first year in college! And I'm sure when I'm 31 I'll be saying the same thing about how I feel right now! Life never ceases to amaze me.

What am I going to do to celebrate my 2nd Anniversary? Not sure. Hopefully, hear from Greg. That will be a start. And then I'm going to pack for the Caribbean (which I am SO excited for!!) and maybe go out and get a fancy dinner to eat tonight. Followed by the finale of The Bachelor. Sounds like a fabulous day to me!

As many of you also know, this is the second Anniversary Greg and I have spent apart. Last year he was training for deployment and, given the current schedule, there's a good chance he'll be gone next year too. But it's ok. A friend of mine (another Marine spouse) told me that she wasn't with her husband on their anniversary until their 6th one! And I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you about my fabulous 1st Anniversary. This time last year, Caroline Hamilton, Cabell Belk, and Sarah Thorndike all came out to visit me, and we ran all over SoCal (from Palm Springs to Santa Barbara to Beverly Hills) having a blast! It was the best anniversary ever, and I'll never forget it.

I'm so sad I can't be with Greg, but at the same time I sort of feel the same way about anniversaries as I do about Valentine's Day. They shouldn't be special in theory, because you and your spouse should treat each other like gold every day of the year. So it's not a big deal.

AND....the best part about this anniversary? I can now say Greg is coming home NEXT MONTH!