Big Day

Caroline rolled over! From her tummy to her back. And she did it more than once yesterday, and again today, so I'm calling this official that she can roll over.

That is all.

And, she loves her new Bumbo chair :)

Friends are the best

I know I say it all the time, but it really is true - friends are the best. A few months ago, my good friends Caroline Batchelor (heretoforth referred to as "Caroline the Elder") and Anna Brown called me up and said they wanted to come visit me in California, and that right after New Years worked the best for both of them. Because I'm staying in AZ until my business school orientation starts, I suggested they come out to Wickenburg instead. I was so excited, because I haven't seen Caroline the Elder since this summer, at my baby shower, and haven't seen Anna since early June, when I ate dinner with her and my other friend Sara in DC.

We had a blast. It was a quick visit, but we made every moment of it worthwhile and really explored the area. The first day we went for walks with Rocky and Caroline, went to the spa at the Ranch, and enjoyed the 70 degree, sunny weather (quite a contrast to the East Coast right now, I hear). As we were settling in for a dinner of quesadillas, Anna - who had been feeling a bit under the weather all day - told us she thought she might have appendicitis. We called my mom, who listened to her symptoms and suggested we go to the ER just to be safe, and thus, that's how Caroline the Elder and I took turns spending the next 6 hours with Anna at the ER. Thank goodness she didn't have appendicitis, but it was yet another lovely exercise in the incredible inefficiency of hospitals, despite being completely empty and overstaffed.

The next day Anna was feeling much better, so the three of us embarked on a 4 mile hike. It was another perfect day, and Caroline the Younger was a champ. We saw lots of "desert flora and fauna" (as promised by our guidebook, and managed not to get lost, though it truly took all three of us to achieve this. After the hike we got margaritas to go from the Ranch, and enjoyed the jacuzzi at my parents' house while watching the sunset. It was a lovely day.

My hiking buddies

Caroline and I, enjoying our margaritas

Caroline the Elder left on day three, so we went to Scottsdale and had lunch at the Camelback Inn. It was a beautiful resort, and we were able to eat outside. I had gazpacho and a salad, and both were terrific. After dropping Caroline the Elder off at the airport, Anna, Baby C and I went to Borders, where we had coffee, indulged in magazines, and chatted some more.

At the Camelback Inn - the point of this pic was literally so Anna and Caroline could "make the blog"

Anna's last day here was Roll Tide day. The entire day was planned around the BCS Championship, which Anna had informed me we would watch in entirety about a month ago. We took it easy most of the day, save for a trip to the western store and the grocery store. When the game came on, we had an awesome dinner of chicken fingers, cornbread, and green beans while Anna rooted for Alabama. The game was a pretty good game, considering Colt McCoy couldn't play, and it was refreshing watching sports again (I've been completely out of it this fall, with Greg gone and Caroline keeping me busy).

This morning I dropped Anna off at the airport, and couldn't stop thinking about how much those two lifted my spirits. I have not hung out with friends from college for more than a quick meal or catch up in almost three years, and it was great to see that we can still talk for hours, but at the same time do our own thing and not feel pressure to constantly entertain. They know how to make me laugh, keep me from being bogged down in the sluggish mid-deployment funk, and always have great stories to tell. I've had so many times this deployment where I've felt that God has spent my life preparing me and giving me the tools to survive this time, and my awesome friends have definitely proven to be a huge part of helping me get through this!

Catch up

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! I have not updated since we arrived in Arizona, because my parents' house did not have internet access. We finally got it today, after years of being in the dark ages, and so here I am!

I hope you all are enjoying your holiday season. In the spirit of being honest, I have to say, the holidays have unfortunately been the hardest, slowest, longest, and loneliest time of this deployment for me. I never would have guessed that being with Caroline and Rocky in the comfort of our Yucca Valley home would at times be easier than being surrounded by family and having a schedule packed with parties and activities, but it really is. When I am at home alone, sometimes I can almost convince myself that Greg is just at work for the day, and everything is normal. On a holiday, there is no pretending. The hole that is left by a deployment just rips open more and more when you are quite literally the odd man out.

Arizona has been particularly hard because this is where Greg and I come on many of our long weekends. We have developed a routine, mainly surrounding off leash golf course walks with Rocky, but being here without him and doing those walks is hard. As the vacation has moved on, however, I've started to enjoy these solitary moments, as I can think clearly and really just be with my two "kids" by myself. It's become the best part of my day, because of the peace and stillness is provides in an otherwise fast paced household (currently chock full with my parents, two sisters, and two brother in laws, not to mention R and C). I know in four months we will be back to normal, but it's just so hard. It's also been hard to feel like the courtesy pick for a kickball team. While my family happily hangs out with me, it's tiring always being the 3rd/5th/7th wheel. Cuddle in the jacuzzi with your significant other, next to me awkwardly by myself. Same thing at the dinner table. Or the Suns game. As fun as all of these activities are, again, they just magnify the hole that I can sometimes forget when I'm alone.

Something that has also being increasingly hard during this deployment is the shift in dynamic now that Caroline is here. I love her to death, of course, but (as people love to joke) when you have a baby, people stop caring about you and start caring about your kid. I know that's not really true, but on a very basic level, it's frustrating to feel like everyone comes up to me then bends down to pick up Caroline, ask how Caroline's doing, sleeping, and coping with deployment. When all I want is for people to ask ME those questions. Caroline is in capable, loving hands, but there are many times when I am just one snippy comment or compliment (goes both ways, strange) away from tearing up.

I'm not quite sure why I'm explaining this. It's very typical of a deployment, especially since we are stuck in the middle right now and it seems like Greg has been gone forever, and will never come back. What frustrates me more than anything about this is that I truly feel misunderstood. I know that's usually an adolescent term that's thrown around a lot, but quite literally, most people who I interact with do not understand the deployments, so they don't understand the sadness I feel, the loneliness I get sometimes, the need to be quiet and center myself, and just in general what I'm going through. So I've found that many people have sort of given up and gotten frustrated with me, and rightfully so, because they can't put themselves in my shoes. Moreover, most of the people I interact have never had the constant (joyful, tiring) chaos of having a dog and a baby. Combine that with a deployment and it's a true circus. But because I only know a handful of people (who are all USMC wives currently or formerly in 29 Palms, by the way) who have gone through this, it's extra difficult.

I can't wait until I am truly over the hump, but right now I just want to say thank you for all the support thus far, and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers now and in the near future. Deployments are always hard, and it's even harder feeling suspended in the middle of one.

A few thoughts of the day...

Because I'm alone (well, alone as in the only one around who speaks the English language) most of the time, I have many random thoughts. Here are a few of the ones I've had so far today. It helps to get them out of my head...

1) When I was little, I used to think that every adult had their state's abbreviations after their names. Why? Because my mom and dad are both doctors, we lived in Maryland, and so their names always said "Thomas/Virginia Collier, M.D.". I was pretty embarrassed when I realized this wasn't the case. But, now that I am older, I think I was pretty clever. Right? Maybe just a little bit?

2) If one more person comes up to be at the store and asks "What aisle did you find her in?" I will scream.  It's kind of funny the first time, but really it's not that original, and I always have to smile and give some lame, not witty at all answer, like "Electronics, obviously". Har har. Ugh. I know I should be a good sport about this, but I just think this joke has gotten old. So, for those of you who have ever made that comment to a mom, chances are she's heard it ten billion times before. Just a thought.

3) I can't stand people who walk around the week before Christmas in Santa hats. In the store, in their cars, every where. I know that's kind of Grinchy of me, but it really annoys me, kind of the same way people walk around in Halloween costumes in October and are dead serious about it. I don't know, it makes me feel like I'm surrounded by elementary school librarians or something.

4) Sometimes I'm a super mom. I've decided this as a part of my realization that if I start giving myself pats on the back more often then life is a lot more fun. I only have these moments occasionally. In fact, I've only had them four times since Caroline was born. What are these times? When I took Rocky and Caroline to the dog park, when I navigated through LAX the Sunday before Thanksgiving with a baby and two carry-ons by myself, whenever I go on a walk with Rocky and Caroline, and when I went to the vet yesterday with Rocky and Caroline. You can see a common thread here - super mom = I singlehandedly lasso my daughter and my canine son together. Speaking of which, Rocky always thinks he's at the jail when he goes to the vet. My suspicions of this were confirmed yesterday when he looked like this: 

Is that a mug shot or what? 

(And yes, he sits on the human bench while waiting, while all the other dogs are on the floor. He makes Marley look boring.)

That is all. Happy weekend to everyone!

Growing like a weed

Our little girl is growing SO fast! She went to the doctor for her 2 month check up this week, and was in the 85% for weight (12 lbs, 2 oz) and the 95% for height (24in)! We aren't quite sure where this monster gene came from in our family, but she is definitely much bigger than most 2.5 month olds. She usually outgrows her outfits height wise rather than width first, and we are already too big for some 3-mo outfits!

I took another picture next to her Daddy Doll today, and I thought you all would enjoy:

Baby Caroline, 3 days old

Baby C, 5 weeks old

Baby C, 10 weeks old

Cookie Exchange

Yesterday I hosted a Cookie Exchange at my house for the spouses of 3/4 (Greg's unit). It was a lot of fun. The idea is that everyone brings different types of cookies, and then has a cookie swap, so that they all leave with an assortment of all the different recipes (you also share the recipes of each cookie with one another).

About 6 women came to my house, and there were 6 kids total. All of the kids (5 girls, one boy) were under the age of 2, so it was a ton of fun! Rocky had an absolute blast. This was the first time that I realized that toddlers are essentially the human version of Rocky. They would steal something out of someone's bag, and then Rock would. They would reach their little hands up on the counter to grab a cookie, and then Rocky would. Rocky would take one of their toys, give it back to them, and then they'd give it back to Rocky and laugh. It was so much fun, and made me so happy to see that he was so good with them (while having fun himself). Caroline and Rocky both have a lot to look forward to.

Pics from the Cookie Exchange:

Yummy!

Rocky and a New Friend

It is always fun to get together with other spouses in Greg's unit. It always gets me thinking. First of all, it's incredibly nice and relaxing to be with other people going through the exact same thing that I am. Their husbands are gone, they are solo moms for seven months, they have to deal with primitive communication techniques, and they are all marching towards that same homecoming date. After spending the majority of my time with people who aren't going through this, it is almost therapeutic to be with these women. This is the only group of people who I don't have to have the same conversation with about how the deployment's going, what Greg's up to, etc, because they know.  They are also some of the very few people I can be with who don't make me feel like I am a walking tragedy - a woman with a loving husband who couldn't be around for his first child's birth, let alone the first 6.5 months of her life. Yes, that's very sad, but you know what? I will put money on the fact that there are at least 30 babies born to wives of 3/4 during this deployment. I know 5 alone, and Greg just read an article about a unit that returned home to 77 new babies! My point is, my situation is unfortunately all too common in the military; however, because of this, I have many people who have been through the same thing and know exactly what I'm going through.

My favorite aspect of spending time with 3/4 wives (or really any military wife, especially one that is going through or has been through a lot of training or a recent deployment) is the incredible strength and optimism that each one has. I've noticed in the past year I've developed an extremely thick skin for things that would normally really upset people for months on end - having new training dates pop up at the last minute, leaving me alone for a week or two; having deployment dates shift seemingly every day; having the location of the deployment shift from Iraq to Afghanistan; finding out Greg will be here when the baby is born and then finding out less than a month before that he will be leaving before she arrives. These things have all upset me, but I find (by the grace of God, truly) that I am over it in a couple of days. And then I move on, and I'm not sure why, but I'm happy again. I may be a little bitter, and believe me some good old fashioned cynicism has definitely become a part of my sense of humor, but I truly do just move on. My point is, I'm not the only one who has had to develop this trait. Each and every one of the women who was at my house was laughing, telling funny stories about what their kids have been up to, and just enjoying each other's company. Everyone there was laid back, and I don't think it was because of their personalities; I think it's because of the cards they've drawn and the positive attitude they have attacked the military life with.

Some of the women I have become friends with out here couldn't be more different than I am. Some are from the Midwest (where I have spent about 15 minutes of my life) or the Pacific Northwest, or Texas, a state I have nothing to say about except that driving through it is miserable. Some have never been to college, and some had two kids before they were 21. It really doesn't matter - all have the same resolve and the same amazing strength that I know outshines even the most accomplished Wall Street broker or top executive any day. If more people had this optimism and strength (which I think frankly is hard to develop without extremely trying situations), I think we'd all believe in ourselves a lot more.

Sorry to go off on a tangent. I'm just so impressed by these women that I wanted to share how I felt to all of you!

Longest Post Ever!

I can't believe it's basically been a month since I've really posted. For those of you who are on Facebook, you know that I've been incredibly busy. I went to the East Coast for three weeks, where Caroline and I were, as Auntie Ann called us, a traveling roadshow. I am going to give you a brief overview of our roadshow of outline not the places we visited, but the wonderful friends we saw. It was so special, since many of these friends I hadn't seen in ages (most since our wedding). Before I start, let me say that Caroline was an angel on the plane, both there and back. She was actually giddy with excitement at flying in Heaven (this is what Auntie Katherine used to call the sky when we would fly in planes when we were younger). We got so many compliments that she was the best baby anyone had ever flown around, because she didn't cry once. I even had people come up to me in the bathroom in the airport after we had deplaned so say that! Needless to say, I am a very proud mommy. And am well aware that I am so blessed. For many reasons, but among them that Caroline truly lives up to the title of Sweet Caroline. With that being said, let me continue with our visits...

1) Momma U. and Daddy A.
Caroline's Chestertown grandparents picked us up at BWI, and were very excited to see her, and to see how much she had grown. They were wonderful, dealing with her fits in the car (she had a dirty diaper, and they willingly pulled over so I could change her - something I'm not used to my parents doing), and her schedule. We played with her at night and my dad recited The Night Before Christmas to her by heart. The visit ended with her being "Santa's elf" during my parents' Christmas party the night before we flew back. She was a big hit.

2) Joyce, et al.
Joyce has worked for my parents, helping them out with everything from errands to babysitting since 1983. With their busy work schedules, she has been a lifesaver, to say the least. Joyce, as she loves to tell me, took me out of the car when my mom brought me home from the hospital for the first time. So as you can imagine, she was THRILLED to meet Caroline. Not to mention, she was a huge help if I wanted to get out of the house for the bit, to go to the gym, get a haircut, etc. She willingly babysat Caroline, which was great. I haven't seen her that happy in a long, long time.

3) Grandma and Grandpa Gehring, Uncle Alex, Auntie Chee, Great-Grandpa, Great Aunt Sue, Great Uncle Marty, Andrea, and David
Caroline and I went up to Blue Bell for Thanksgiving, where we spent lots of time with Greg's relatives. With the exception of Grandma Gehring, no one else had met her yet. She was a hit! Auntie Chee (the Gehring's black lab) was a little wary of her, but everyone else had a great time. And she loved everyone, of course. It was her first Thanksgiving, and while she couldn't have any turkey, she loved the football, and gossiping about Tiger Woods.

4) "Uncles" Ben, Kyle, Mark, TJ Mulhern, TJ Valerio, and John
These 6 guys are Greg's best friends growing up. They were all in our wedding, and have also become great friends of mine. Kyle, who went to UVA and was friends with me in college, even calls me every Monday evening on his way home from work to check in and see how I'm doing (he came up with this idea when he randomly called me the afternoon Greg left for Afghanistan). It really means a lot, and has been a constant in this crazy deployment. Anyway, all of these guys came over to Greg's house to meet Caroline. They loved her, and while she was afraid of John's hairy arms, she loved the high altitude that Mark and Kyle (both who are taller than 6' 3") offered. Ben O'Donnell came with his family to Greg's house for the whole weekend, as they always do, and he too fell in love. He was a bit awkward holding C at first, but by the end of the weekend she was taking naps on his tummy. He said he was going to start bringing her to football games as a handwarmer. These boys also took me out to dinner, for my first night out without Caroline. It was quite a treat. We have wonderful friends.

5) Jared Schmitt
Jared is one of Greg's friends from Navy, who lives about 30 minutes away from the Gehrings. He came over during Thanksgiving weekend to meet her, and to catch up. It was great to see him, since I hadn't seen him in almost a year. He flies helicopters in Norfolk, and it was need to hear about his job.


6) Great Grammy Collier
My Dad's mom has eagerly awaiting meeting Caroline. She had my dad when my Grandfather was deployed in WWII, and she has been with me throughout this journey, calling me at least twice a month (which is a ton for Grammy). C and I went down to Oxford, MD, where she lives to spend the afternoon with her, and she seemed about 10 years younger than when I last saw her (she's 87). It's so great to see how little babies can just bring people back to a different era. She loved telling stories about how much my Grandfather loved babies, and how he loved to take the late night feedings for my dad and my aunt. Our visit with her was really special.

7) Ryan Kelly and Mrs. Kelly
Ryan is another one of Greg's friends from Navy, who also became one of my close friends throughout the 4 years in college that we knew each other. He was on leave in Annapolis, where his parents live, and Caroline and I went over for lunch. It was so nice to see them! Mrs. Kelly loved Caroline, as did Ryan, and it was great hearing stories about the three Kelly boys growing up.

8) Uncle Jacob and Auntie Katherine; Great Aunt Kathy, Sam Tak
Caroline and I also went to Boston (!) while we were home. It was a crazy trip, and we went because my parents had already planned to go up there, and we wanted to spend time with them rather than be alone in Chestertown by ourselves. So up we went (another good plane ride) and we met up with Auntie Katherine (who hadn't seen C since she was 4 days old) and met Uncle Jake for the first time, who loved her. We also met Great Aunt Kathy (my mom's identical twin, who told me first thing that 1/4 of Caroline's DNA are hers) and Sam Takvorian, my first cousin. The trip was nice, and actually quite relaxing. It was good seeing more relatives.

9) Caroline Hoch (the first of the Carolines); Mr. and Mrs. Hoch
Caroline Hoch is one of my three Caroline best friends (all three were in our wedding). She heard I was coming up to Boston and drove home from New York to see her! It was so sweet of her. She has been so extremely supportive throughout my whole pregnancy/birth/Greg being gone, and it was so great to finally see her! Caroline Hoch has been one of the people who have told me, it's ok to be sad, it's ok to feel like this is a hard time, but most importantly, it's ok to call me up and tell me this stuff, because that's exactly what I'm here for. I love her! And so did baby Caroline, of course. Her parents were also great, as always. They are such fun, nice, caring people.

10) Elizabeth Clarke, my oldest friend
Elizabeth and I were best friends growing up. She is one of the funniest people I know, and every time we get together we never run out of funny memories to laugh about. I went over to her parents' house for dinner, where Caroline got to meet her family.

11) Chip and Axie Moses

Chip and Axie are friends of my parents, who live in Charlottesville. I went down to my old stomping grounds while I was back East, and stayed with them. It was great to see them, and was so nice of them to let Caroline and me stay at their beautiful home.

12) Cabell Belk

Cabell is one of closest friends from high school. She is currently finishing up her Masters in Spanish at UVA, and even though she was swamped both with giving/taking exams (she also teaches Spanish at UVA) she took the time to meet up with us for lunch. We had a blast, and of course, Caroline loved her.

13) Din Botsford, Catherine Brown

Din and Catherine are two friends of mine from UVA who still live in Charlottesville. Din is now an architect and Catherine is a teacher. We spent a day together in Cville, catching up, visiting my favorite places, and just enjoying each other's company. As usual, they were in good spirits, and a treat to be with. 

14) Caelyn LeBlanc

Caelyn is Frank Furman's (who is stationed in 29 Palms, is currently deployed with Greg, was in our wedding and is one of our best friends) girlfriend. Since meeting Caelyn she has also become a great friend of mine, and as I always tell her, I wish we had gone to school together so we could've been in the same group of friends. Anyway I made sure to meet up with her when I was home (she is currently stationed in Quantico - she is also a Marine). I was actually lucky enough to meet up with her twice! It's so great to have a friend who is not only going through the same deployment I am but also who knows me apart from my 3/4 life in 29 Palms. 

15) Kasie Hunt

Kasie is Carlo Scott's girlfriend. For those of you who don't know Carlo, he was Greg's roommate for four years at Navy, and is the reason why I met Greg (and, as Carlo will claim, why I therefore married him). Kasie lives and works in DC, so I was able to meet up with her for breakfast with Caelyn. It was great to spend some time together and just relax on a nice Saturday morning.

16) Katherine Alford

Katherine is a cousin of mine (the daughter of my mom's first cousin - I think that makes us first cousins once removed?) who lives in Charlottesville. I went over to her house for dinner and had a great time, as I always do. My family is pretty amazing, and I love that I am friends with all of the my relatives (and am pretty sure we'd be friends even if we weren't related). Katherine in particular is a lot of fun, and always someone that I look forward to seeing in C'ville. 

17) Ila Broyles

Ila was my first-year roommate at UVA. She now lives in DC with her husband, and happens to live right next to wear I was eating breakfast with Caelyn and Kasie! So we met up for an impromptu coffee - the first time we'd really seen each other since graduating, since we were both at each other's weddings, but that's always a crazy time. She seems to be doing really well. I was really glad we were able to reconnect and catch up. 

18) Sara Hester

Sara was another friend of mine from UVA. She texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee in Annapolis, which of course I did, so I got to see her and have some nice quality time with her. She is always so good at keeping in touch, so it was great to actually see her in person.

Phew! So those are all of the people we saw. As you can see, we were super busy. Caroline has never met so many people in her short little life! Needless to say, while it was so much fun being home, it is nice to be back in California and have some mellow time. :) To those of you who I was trying to meet up with but didn't get to see, I am so sorry! As you can probably imagine, life was pretty jammed packed and there were just so many things I could do in so little time, especially with a machine who eats every 3 hours !