"How Do You Do It?"

"How do you do it?" This is a question I get ALL the time. Every time Greg's gone for a week, a month, or a deployment, when Caroline was born and he wasn't there, or when people realize that I am taking an MBA course while dealing with a nearly two year old lab and and infant. Here's the magic answer, that every single military wife out there will tell you: "You just do it. You have to."

I know that sounds like a strange answer, but I actually love it. I love the commitment that military wives have to the lifestyle, their husbands, and their families. I love the commitment that the husbands have in return. So many people (including some of my friends and family) have told me, both in direct and indirect ways, that they feel that being apart from a spouse weakens a relationship. Just today on the phone, I was asked, "Do you ever talk to Greg about how you feel about deployments? I can't even imagine what it's like for your relationship!" When I heard that, I realized: so many civilians outside of this lifestyle view deployments as a setback to a relationship. I would argue that it is 100% the exact opposite.

On March 1, Greg and I will have our second anniversary. This is the second anniversary we've spent apart, as well, but hopefully third time will be a charm. In any case, we both feel like we've been married for much longer than 2 years, in a good way. We have gone through more than most couples go through in 10 years, and we have grown together and grown to depend on each other to support our strengths and lovingly help each other through our weaknesses. Being in the military forces you to grow up - that's why you see an 18 year old Pfc. acting like he's 25, which is unheard of among most boys. Layered on top of this maturity is an increased appreciation for life and for each other, and truly not taking each other for granted.

Every couple has a fear that a deployment is going to cause an emotional separation, in addition to the physical separation. While that unfortunately happens to some couples, for most, it doesn't. When communication is unpredictable and short when it does happen, each person in the relationship has to learn to communicate how they feel in succinct, meaningful ways. This means no petty fights, no cutting remarks, and articulating how much you love each other in ways other than just saying "I love you" by rote. When you say it, you actually are thinking about what it means and why you are saying it. All of this results in an amazing strength that I'm pathetically failing at trying to put into words.

The point of this post is to answer the many questions I get regarding "how I do it," or "how I am dealing with this." This is how. And when Greg comes home, yes, it will be a transition, and at times bumpy because of all of the changes that have happened in the 7 months he's been gone, but because of the incredible strength of our relationship, it won't be a big deal at all.

This is why I love the community of USMC and Navy wives that I've become close with. The values, strength, and loyalty within most families and marriages is one that most people only see by watching 1950s TV shows. Old fashioned American values still live on in this crazy, fast-paced world, and as hard the lifestyle is, the outcome is amazing.